First Day Blues

So there I was on the very first day of my new career, standing as per instructions, watching the good citizens of Galway ( well some of them! ) going about their daily chores. My brief was to concentrate on the high value 'Specials' and alcohol sections both of which receive plenty of attention from the ne'er-do-well shoplifting fraternity.
Unfortunately for me, the two said sections are located at opposing ends of the store, meaning that I would have to walk regularly and briskly between the two to deter any potential wrongdoers. Being a competent and quite accomplished walker myself this was not a major problem and after the few first tentative steps I found myself striding purposefully to all corners of the store.

A quick glance at my watch told me I had been a Retail Security officer for almost 19 minutes and I was already as fed up as golfer with no balls, only another 9hrs 41minutes to go I thought, standing menacingly on the 'Specials' aisle.

"Have you got these in a size 7" enquired a pink haired elderly lady, thrusting a pair of similarly coloured slippers right into my face. "I know your only security" she said in a patronising tone "but I am a martyr to my corns, the doctor said only last week ........."
Cutting off the old dear mid sentence I suggested that she find a member of staff to sort her out and quickly employed my new found walking skills to check up on the 'alcohol' section.

Half way between the milk and the toilet rolls I was accosted by an irate Lithuanian backpacker who wanted to exchange a defective two man tent for 3 pairs of ergonomically designed trekking socks. After explaining that I was only security and advising him to ask a staff member ( in fluent Lithuanian of course! ) I bade my farewell.

The new licensing laws in Ireland prohibit the sale of alcohol until 10:30 am and it was approximately 10:27 am when I assumed a prominent position at the end of the aisle.
"Marning Offisher" said a dishevelled looking, red faced guy wearing scuffed trainers and a well soiled 1970's shell suit top. He struggled to pick up 2 bottles of cheap fortified wine and lurched his way unsteadily towards the crowded checkout area, where he forced himself to the front of an astonished queue.
Anya, a sturdy looking Polish girl with an inviting cleavage and very little English was on the till, she took one look at the swaying 'wino' and seeking assistance ( from me! ) pressed the alarm button.
My initial reaction, being a coward, was to walk swiftly in the opposite direction and hide somewhere until he left. Obviously this was not an option so I took a deep breath and fearing the worst, confronted the drunken oaf, demanding that he leave the store immediately. I ushered him towards the exit, explaining that perhaps he'd already had enough to drink, also and more importantly that the girl on the till could lose her job by selling him alcohol in his inebriated state. Somehow I got the impression he wasn't listening to a word I said!

"Pish off ya Shcottish bashterd" he shouted, "I'm Irish, carnt a man ave a drrink in ish own country, I'm not goin anywhere till I've got mi drrink"
Never having been in this situation before I was flummoxed, I couldn't physically pick him up and throw him out and he was less than willing to be 'talked down'. Stuck for words I decided to ask his name.
"Oi be Padraig from old Shligo town" he answered " and shoo might you be?"
"Chris from West Yorkshire" I said proudly, offering him my hand. To my amazement he shook it firmly, "Nyche talkin to you Crish shee you aroind" he said giving me the thumbs up as he staggered happily out of the store, respect given.

Thankfuly the alarm stayed silent for the remainder of my first day in 'Paradise' and I lived to tell the tale! Drunken incidents like the one portrayed are a daily occurrence in my job and thankfully I learned a vital lesson on day one.