Spotting the 'Dickhead' before he singles you out is crucial. This is easy enough in a safe, uncrowded environment, ie in your shed, at a Cliff Richard concert or walking on the Moon for instance. Here the chances of meeting anyone at all are quite remote and you should be relatively safe from a 'Dickhead' intervention, unless of course you end up backstage alone with Cliff!
When he stops preening himself and has bored you stupid with his Knighthood, Gold Discs and 'Summer Holiday' incident anecdotes, ask him his age. This will throw his ego maniacal decaying grey matter into turmoil leaving you the easiest possible escape.
After wiping the botox smile off his contorted, wrinkly face with a textbook left hook, follow it up with a few hurtful truisms ie: you are a crap singer and you smell like a dead badger you senile old faggot. Wired for sound? you should be wired to an electric chair.
Hint .... Leave the arena briskly!!
As proven above, Attack IS the best form of Defence, if in any doubt then the 'Ten Metre Rule' should always be employed.
Take time to listen to Pat Condell below. If he were PM he would get my vote anyday!
Enjoy the video
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